Blog

What Do I Say Now?

Solace HouseWhat Do I Say Now? Tips on How to Respond When Someone You Love is Grieving

by Beth Houghton, LCSW, Grief Support Specialist at Kansas City Hospice

It can be hard to support a grieving person when you are at a loss for words or feel there is nothing that can be said or done that could possibly bring comfort. Or perhaps you are grieving someone you loved dearly and are on the receiving end of insensitive comments, or worse yet, no acknowledgment of your loss at all.

In her article, When Someone You Love Is Grieving: How to Really Help, Angie Schultz writes: “Grief has a way of unsettling everyone in the proximity. It stirs up our own unhealed parts. Is it any wonder that we have the instinct to smooth over the other person’s emotions, to take everything back to normal, before it has the chance to stir up something inside us?”

But as we know, there is no “back to normal” when someone we love dies. Normal no longer exists and those people who have suffered a loss need their friends and family more than ever.

Below are some tips of helpful and not so helpful things to say to a griever, composed with the assistance of What’s Your Grief website and personal experiences shared by grievers:

Helpful

  • There are no words
  • I’m so sorry you are going through this
  • Tell me more about him/her
  • You don’t have to talk, I will just sit beside you
  • He/she will not be forgotten

Not so helpful

  • Everything happens for a reason
  • Time heals all wounds
  • You should be over this by now
  • They’re in a better place
  • It was their time

More than anything, being present for a grieving friend or family member can make a world of difference in how they work through their loss. We all make mistakes and say the wrong thing at times. Acknowledging when this happens will likely ease those uncomfortable situations.

Although bearing witness to the pain experienced by someone who has suffered a loss can feel incredibly difficult, it is also a great privilege.

About Us

 
The mission of Kansas City Hospice & Palliative Care is to bring expert care, peace of mind, comfort, guidance, and hope to people who are affected by life-limiting illness or by grief. Our vision is that each person in our community is valued from life through death and each family is supported in their grief.

Leave a Reply

Our Programs

There's a long list of hospices in Kansas City, but there's only one Kansas City Hospice. Our programs provide comprehensive expert care for all ages at all stages of serious illness.

Hospice Care

When the focus shifts to comfort instead of treatment, care comes to your home or nursing facility with a plan tailored to your needs, including emotional and spiritual support for the whole family.

Read More

Hospice Care

Palliative Home Health Care

When complex needs benefit from a team approach, supportive home care brings the care you need, with 24/7 nurse support for pain, stress and symptoms due to serious illness.

Read More

Palliative Home Health Care

Community-Based Palliative Care

Beginning as early as diagnosis and at any stage of serious illness, our nurse practitioners make home visits as needed to help coordinate your care and provide expert pain and symptom management.

Read More

Community-Based Palliative Care
Hospice House

Hospice House

When symptoms cannot be easily managed at home, two hospice houses provide 24/7 expert care in comfortable home-line settings where family members can be relieved of caregiving duties to focus on loved ones.

Read More

Carousel Pediatric Care

Carousel provides palliative and hospice care for perinatal and for babies through young adults with a dedicated team of pediatric nurses, social workers, chaplains and other specialists.

Read More

Carousel Pediatric Care
Solace House

Solace House

Our center for grief and healing supports individuals and families who have been impacted by the death of a loved one, whether anticipated, or sudden and unexpected. We provide opportunities to share, listen, learn and heal with peer group support from age 3 through adult.

Read More