Turning Grief into Good

Charlie and Jen met as coworkers at a retail store and became fast friends. Despite Jen’s later transfer to another Kansas City location, they remained in contact and their friendship deepened over time. 

Within just a few short years, Jen and Charlie were married and in 2012, welcomed a son, Cody, into their lives. Charlie played a crucial role in Cody’s early development. Even now Jen still sees so much of Charlie in Cody, explaining, “Charlie stayed home with Cody for his first five years. He gave Cody a really good foundation for kindness.” Click here to meet young Cody and his dad.

“Charlie was very kind and could talk to anybody,” Jen went on to share. “So, like, when going to the grocery store, he was the first one to ask the cashier how their day was. He was just so very kind and loving, an amazing dad. He also had a sense of humor – he didn’t bring it out often, but when he did, it was pretty funny stuff.”

Unfortunately, in the spring of 2017 when Cody was just five, the unimaginable happened. Charlie died at just 55 years old, leaving his beloved wife and son at a loss as to how to cope. 

The overwhelming grief at the death of Charlie was devastating. This often caused them to feel alone as they tried to cope with the loss they had both experienced. Jen not only had to learn how to cope with her own grief at the loss of her husband but also had to figure out how to help her son understand that his dad and best friend was gone.

Even though Jen sought help from a therapist to manage her grief, she ultimately worried about Cody’s coping. Her therapist recommended grief support groups provided by Solace House, Kansas City Hospice & Palliative Care’s center for grief and healing.

Jen and Cody joined a Solace House grief support group, meeting with other families who had experienced a similar loss. During group, trained facilitators led discussions and therapeutic group activities tailored for different ages. 

“There would be one topic for the evening and Cody’s class would discuss it in a way he could understand. And then I was in a [adult] group where I was able to talk about the same topic,” explains Jen. “It gave us an opportunity to not only talk about it on the way home, but talk about it at home. It brought us together and opened lines of communication, which was huge, because when you have an event like this, the last thing you want to lose is the ability to communicate.”

When Cody visited Solace House, he was able to find a bit of normalcy. Jen explains, “They had games and toys. He would get to play and just be a kid. When you’re at home, you’re so bogged down with ‘How’s mom feeling? How am I feeling?’, and here he could just go play.”

Cody is now in sixth grade and has many hobbies, which include playing basketball, skiing, playing the trombone, gaming, and acting.

“I could not be more proud of Cody, and just the path he has taken since his dad passed away. We talk about being strong,” Jen reflects. “He’s a smart kid and I think the biggest thing was having Solace House there for us and getting the help we needed. He has been able to thrive because of the early communication we had that Solace House generated.” Jen goes on to share, “I think it was because of the community we found and knowing we’re not alone. It allowed him to not let this define him.”

Kansas City Hospice relies on community support to continue to offer Solace House grief and healing services to families and individuals, regardless of their financial situation or the nature of their loss. Solace House assists most families following an unexpected and sudden death. For some, this could be a sudden illness or other health event; for others, a work, home, or vehicle accident. For too many, traumatic circumstances led up to or were part of their loved one’s death. In all these situations, compassionate and specialized support makes all the difference in people’s ability to cope and heal.  

“I don’t know how many times I’ve given Solace House information out. Like, do you know Solace House is available? Do you know how to get ahold of them? This is what they do, this is how they helped us,” says Jen. “I feel like it’s a place people may need but not know about. That’s why we wanted to get involved and get the word out.” 

According to Jen, the help she and Cody received at Solace House was life changing. The group therapy sessions helped her persevere.

“The further down you go into your grief journey, the less people follow you along that path. And when you go to Solace House, everybody there walks with you,” Jen shares. “There were some people who were further along in their journey. To know that there is – not necessarily an end to it – but that there are better days ahead [is comforting].”