Children experience grief differently at various ages and developmental stages. It’s helpful to keep in mind how they might experience the grief process.

Three to five years old

• Don’t understand “forever.” Death is seen as temporary or reversible.
• Separation caused by illness is particularly frightening.
• Need reassurance that their emotions are normal and okay.
• “Magical thinking” is common – may believe their thoughts or actions are connected to illness or death.

Ages six to nine

• Begin to understand that death is final, but think it happens only to other people.
• Very curious about illness and want details about physical changes that occur.
• Think illness is a scary creature or person who takes people away.
• Might fear that death is contagious.
• May continue to believe that their thoughts cause events.
• Worry harm might come to their caregivers – what will happen if those who care for them become sick.

Ages nine to 12

• Many have experienced the death of a relative or, more often, the loss of a pet.
• Know death is final and comes to all plants and animals.
• May be extremely interested in the physical process of dying, but still see death as distant from themselves.
• Worry about the effects the loss will have on their immediate future.
• May fear that the loss will set them apart as being different from their friends and school peers.

Teens

• Forging their own identities – most do so by pushing their parents away and that is normal.
• The death of a parent can cause confusion and guilt.
• Death is fascinating, frightening and particularly threatening for adolescents.
• Don’t like anything that makes them feel different from their peers.
• Losses may make teens feel more childlike and dependent, but may feel required to step into an adult role.